belated mother’s day post

motherhood is the damp on my chest as she sleeps. it’s witnessing that first confused moment of wakefulness–eyes open, face red and smushy, hair tousled and the tiniest bit sweaty.

motherhood is sharing an apple, each bite you take covered in baby slobber.

motherhood is soothing her into a languid calm when no one else can. but sometimes there’s no magic, and motherhood is being the soft surface against which a fighting, tired baby works out her angst.

motherhood is a crushing fear, the weight of shaping a childhood. do i have the joy and the initiative worthy of her?

motherhood is when she takes a break from nursing to speak tiny, sparkling consonants…”ti ti ti”, “da da da”, “thhhhh.” so softly, so content.

motherhood is when the cloth diaper honeymoon is over, and you have to scrape poop into the toilet. whiiiich…i’ll say it…all y’all parents (YES you, parents of disposable-wearing babies) should be scraping too! join the fun! read your diaper packages, i’m serious. or pretend you never read this and continue being poop-criminals, which is what i’d probably do if i were you.

motherhood is waiting for what doesn’t come naturally.

motherhood is the innumerable minutes, at a mysterious time of night, between sleep and wakefulness that you tell yourself, “i don’t hear my baby crying. i don’t hear my baby crying.”

motherhood is finally stumbling down the hall, then pulling a tiny, sleep-sack adorned creature from her crib. she hangs on like a koala, like a sweet little leech.

motherhood (of a mobile baby) is vacuuming more.

motherhood hungers for inspiration…i am profoundly thankful for the women in my life who mother originally, refreshingly, and about whom i think, “i want to be like that.”

motherhood makes one queen of her house. queen of the day. motherhood is learning how to make a life, and not just let life happen.

thank you to my own mom. my mother-in-law. my mom friends who inspire me. like, really, THANK YOU.

funk

i’m in a funk.

i’ve got about 10 half-written posts that i’ve started and then gotten bored/stuck on.

for weeks, i haven’t cracked open my journal.

thank goodness for cute pics of my baby girl, or there would be complete radio silence up in here…

besides meal plans, yaaaawwwn.

maybe i should dust off my copy of ‘the artist’s way’?

maybe i should find more weird (in the good way) people in this town?

anyway…i do have THIS smushy bundle of inspiration, with growing feather-fluff hair. i feel my heart tingling just looking…babies charm you in a million ways. it’s complex. it’s on-purpose.

7 months

you are crawling (have been scooting/crawling for about a month now) and can now fairly consistently sit up by yourself from your tummy…this means you wake yourself up at night/from naps because you don’t know how to lay back down! I come in and you’re bent over yourself, head over your feet (so flexible) sucking your thumb, crying.

your tongue sticks out all.the.time. so much so that it has freaked me out a little bit, like is that normal??

you wake up once a night to nurse…you were sleeping through the night until a little over 6 months and then you stopped. still ready for bed at 8:00 and up around 6:30-7:00.

you can escape from the bumbo unless the tray is on. boo!

i’ve seen you pull yourself up into a standing position a few times now…eeek!!

first foods? gah i’m so terrible at introducing them consistently (it’s so MESSY! and nursing is so CLEAN!!!) but you like teeny organic bunny crackers and parmesan regianno cheese grated, with a little olive oil. everything else nooot so much. we might start working harder on it soon…yet my instincts tell me milk is still ok 99% of the time. food shmood.

oh lucy, i wasn’t ready for you and i already want a do-over. why can’t life ever just give me something that i’m ready for when it’s actually happening?

you are my little friend. i guess i didn’t expect you to feel like my little friend as much as you do? i really would rather be with you than just about anybody. this has been a hard, hard month for me and i take comfort in your sweetness daily. thank you <3